Kid’s Say the Darndest Things Like “Mom, I Am Ready to Release My Album on iTunes.”

I often find myself engaged in conversations like this with my son. 

Him:  “Mom, I need to you approve this account for me so I can release my album on iTunes!”

Me:  “What account?  What album?  What are you talking about, now?” (Spoken with motherly impatience and complete confusion).

Him: “I want to release my album and I need your permission.”

Me:  What are you talking about? (More motherly impatience and confusion).

Him:  “I made an album, mom.  I can sell it on i-tunes.  There’s another kid a little older than me who released one.  The best-selling artists in this genre are represented by the Dim Mak label.  I was thinking maybe I should contact them before I release it in case they want to represent me.”

Me:  “You made an album?   You want representation?  You have a genre?  How did you make it? 

Him:  “I made it on the computer using a free download of Fruity Loops Studio 9.  The genre is kind of a cross between dubstep and electro house music.  More like electro house really but with a little bit of a syncopated beat like dubstep.”

Me:  “Dub what?”

Him: “Dubstep.  Ugghhhh!!!!”  (long, disgusted  man-child sigh)  “It’s too complicated to explain to you, Mom. Can you just sign me up so I can release my album?”  (Spoken with man-child belligerence.)

Me:  (Long frustrated sigh).  “Show me this album.”

He proceeded to play highlights of 8 songs he had composed using a 5-year old Dell computer (with a crummy graphics card, as he pointed out) and a Frooty Loops Studio 9 free download.  It took all of 72 hours to teach himself how to use the software and produce 8 songs with names like “Hedfones”, “Tik”, “The Sound” and “Ludicrous Wobble.”  His first song definitely sounds like a “first song”, and as a symbolic gesture, he chose it as the “cover song”.  It’s called “My iPod Touch” which tells you a little bit about the mentality of my man-child, a.k.a. ‘Tween Tech Guy. 

While other artists are singing about heartbreak and romantic love triangles, my kid is singing about his new i-pod touch in a grumbly voice that sounds like Bob Dylan on a bad day.  As I become more “enlightened” by listening to other artists, I have found this genre is not about singing or love.  It’s about scratchin’ and creating cool sounds.

Famous Electro House Group; Crookers

Am I on another planet?  I mean, I don’t want it to seem like I don’t know what is going on inside my own home.  I am with my kids almost 24/7 because of homeschool, so don’t call social services yet.   But, what the heck–this caught me off guard.  Right under my own nose, my son was producing Dubstep and Electo House music.

After listening to his cuts, and seeing how he managed to produce these sounds with the amateurish equipment we have, I was getting interested. 

I decided to help him.  The conversation continued…

Me:  “You know, I think going with a label at this point would be challenging.  They work on royalties and are going to want to give you a 5% – 10% cut at the most.  Plus, honestly, I think you need to produce a few more albums before you are going to get the attention of a label.  How much will you make per song with iTunes?”

Him:  “70 cents.”

Me:  “So, what’s the total market for electronic and dubstep music?”

Him:  “Huh?”

Me:  “Nevermind.  How many songs do you have to sell to pay for a year of college at $50K per year.” 

Him:  “About 72,000”

Me:  How many albums is that?

Him:  “About 8,000”.

Me:  “Hmmmm…7 years until college…  How many albums can you produce a month?”

Him:  “One or two, maybe more”.

Me:  “It’s doable.  What’s stopping you? 

Him:  “Well, I just can’t make some of the sounds that my favorite groups do.  I know how they do it, but I just don’t have the right equipment.”

Me:  “What equipment do you need?”

Him:  (Said in one breath and with no pauses). 

I need a Vestax VCI 300, Vestax VFX 1 and Vestax Fader, an HP Elite Computer, a full version of Fruity Loops Studio 9, a full version of Acoustica Mixcraft and an Akai 88 key electronic keyboard.

Me:  “That’s a big list.”

Him:  “That’s what I need.”

Me:  (Deep breath).

Now, before you get your undies in a bundle thinking that this is child exploitation or something along those lines, I want to tell you my views on children helping pay their way through school.  I EXPECT IT!  Let’s just say that with the list he gave me, I am thinking about investors so he can get started, soon.

 Kids Say the Darndest Things…

P.S.   My kid’s music is on iTunes.  Search for “My iPod Touch QB2”.  And his Facebook fan page is QB2.

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