Photo Credit: say no to peer pressure by 13morbidmouse13-d330u3u

The teenage mind is quite possibly one of the most complex systems on the planet.  Just because we managed to survive our own teen struggles, doesn’t necessarily leave us well prepared to help our kids.  Teens today face pressures we never dreamed of—college entrance exams, peer pressure from social media, lack of worthwhile role models and mentors, a sense of entitlement, schools that are not necessarily “safe”, and hints of even global instability.

When my daughter recently told me that she is struggling with being “too critical of herself”, it opened the door to a really interesting and valuable discussion about the dangers of perfectionism.

A quick Google search made me realize that this is a prevalent problem with gifted children and, in particular, girls, but it can affect any child.  Multiple books dedicated to perfectionism have been published, so I quickly loaded up my Amazon shopping cart with guidebooks for kids and adults.  ( The Blessings of a B Minus by Wendy Mogul is a good starting point). But there was a pressing need to intervene immediately and without “professional help.”

Photo Credit: Ballet_by_artistsmuse

If you follow my blog, you may know that my daughter is a ballet dancer which can be a dangerous world for a teenage girl.  The odds are already stacked against her.  For three hours a day, she stands in a room cloaked in full length mirrors, striving for two additional millimeters in her extension, another turn in her turn series, holding a pose for just one split second more—all in the name of reaching “perfection.”  Then, there is the unrelenting game of comparison.  Who is getting the most attention in class, who is getting the best parts, which kid can do the most turns? Friendships can turn to rivalries without warning. Layer that on top of a deep history on both sides of the family in overachieving, perfectionistic and even obsessive compulsive tendencies, and we have the makings of catastrophe.

It’s the classic nature vs. nurture scenario.  How much of this is genetically predisposed, and how much of this is created through her environment? Is the combination leading to “the perfect storm?”

Forget the guidebooks, we needed immediate intervention!

As so often happens in parenting, I took a deep breath and ventured into the void.   I happen to know a thing or two about perfectionism. I didn’t begin to let go of my own perfectionistic tendencies until giving birth to two children in 10 months while trying to (and failing at) running a company.  I had to admit to myself that I am not “super woman.”  I made a conscious choice to give it up, but it was still a struggle.

I began to recount the day I learned the important distinction between perfectionism and high standards.  Understanding the difference has set me free.

Perfection is a worthless standard. Period! Exclamation point!  Vulnerable teens must be made aware of this. It is virtually impossible to achieve perfection and those who spend time in its pursuit are wasting their time.  A better alternative is to maintain high standards and to learn that “good enough is.” I asked her to make a conscious choice to wipe the words “perfect” and “perfectionism” out of her vocabulary and replace them with “best in class”, and “good enough.”

I also explained that some of the many successful people have found that perfectionism can work against them.  They have learned to move on when they reach the point of diminishing returns, which is often the last 5% of an endeavor. An example of this concept is prevalent in the software industry.  New software programs are enthusiastically conceived to solve complex problems and enable enhanced capabilities or significant advancements in productivity.  The goal is achieved in the first 95% of the project, which often moves quickly and efficiently.  The danger zone, where budgets are blown, deadlines are missed, and earnings destroyed occurs when companies get stuck in the zone of perfection—that last 5%.  That is why we have software patches, upgrades and technical support.

The same concept applies to life in general.  The moral is to keep it all in perspective.  When you have reached the point of diminishing returns, it is time to move on.  Good enough is! Don’t let the parasite of perfection eat your from the inside out.

I asked her to think about our recent visit to Cirque du Soliel’s Iris.  When we were handed the program, the perfectionist in her pointed out that the dancer featured on the program cover hadn’t pointed her toes—a cardinal sin of dancing.  I asked her to put that aside and to remember how the show made her feel. We were mesmerized by the choreography and awestruck by the grandeur and scale of the show.  When the Chinese acrobats had to try three times to land a stunt, and one of the trapeze artists missed her cue, it humanized the performers and made us realize the true magnitude of their talents.  There was beauty in their imperfection. For two hours, we forgot every problem in our lives and lived vicariously through them, dreaming of flying, leaping, turning and being fully self-expressed.

That is the miracle of the arts.

I reminded her that she has a rare gift and it is meant to be shared with others and that this is what dance is about. Being sucked into the vortex of perfectionism will strip the joy away from her.  The audience won’t know that her arabesque could have been higher or that she missed a triple turn and replaced it with a double.  The audience just sees the beauty of the dance.

This is an example of a discussion you might have with your teen.  I think we took a step in the right direction, but perfectionism (especially in dancers) cannot be cured in one discussion.  This will be a process that requires constant monitoring along the way.

Photo Credit: Eating Disorders by Forgot my Purse

I know that many kids (and adults) suffer from the excruciating burden of trying to be perfect. Teens today face unfathomable pressures to overachieve.  Many succeed in presenting a calm, cool and collected façade, but are an emotional mess on the inside.  Busy parents too often miss the barely perceptible signs of potential trouble. 

Your teen may be suffering similar challenges. I was fortunate this time.  I knew that something has been “off” lately, but was quick to attribute it to hormonal changes.  Thankfully, my daughter reached out to me with her frustration at being too hard on herself.  What if she hadn’t?  How far would it have gone?  Now I am watching for the signs.

The experts state that common symptoms are overachieving, problems with procrastination or turning in assignments, thinking they are stupid, general negativity, relationship issues where they were previously non-existent, low self-esteem, and becoming withdrawn.  If your child exhibits these traits, it’s almost a dead give-away that he/she is struggling with perfectionism:

1. Intense competitive drive (directed towards self and others)
2. They won’t try something if there is a chance they won’t get it right the first time or will look silly trying.
3. They constantly find fault with others or themselves.
4. They start demanding perfection from you, and/or others.
5. They have a hard time asking for help even though they are struggling.
6. They accuse you, others, or society in general of always expecting them to be perfect.
7. They have unusually high standards for themselves or others (overachiever).
8. The joy of a big accomplishment is short lived, or non-existent.
9. They are just unhappy, constantly dissatisfied, or negative.

Many doctors believe that perfectionism is a serious behavioral problem or psychiatric disorder.  If left undetected, it can lead to eating disorders, obsessive compulsive disorders or worse, cutting and self-harm or even suicide during the teenage years.  Adult perfectionists become abrasive bosses, poor marriage partners, and often live in isolation as a result of anti-social behavior and their own fears.  You may be able to help your teen yourself if the symptoms are mild, but please seek professional help if it has progressed to latter half of the above list.

Many kids don’t aren’t even aware that perfectionism exists.  They might know instinctively that something is wrong, or that they are bearing a huge burden, but not be able to pin-point the problem.   What a dark and lonely place for a young adult to be.

I suppose the conclusion is that perfectionism is just another hazard to put on your radar screen while navigating the complex psychological conundrum of the teenage mind.  Watch closely for the signs.  Introduce the concept of perfectionism to them.  Ask them about the pressures they are feeling from themselves and others.  Create a safety zone of non-perfection.  If you are a perfectionist, give it up.  Lead by example.  Talk to them about your own struggles and work on letting go together.  And by all means, if your interventions are not effective, enlist professional help.

Photo Credit: in the darkness by escaped emotions-d2ysk8i

Don’t let a kid enter, let alone live in that scary, demonic place.   Be a life line to a kid who is already there.

This was posted with permission from my daughter and is dedicated to all the teens out there who struggle with perfectionism.

I know you have been waiting for it.   The characters have been developed.  The plot has thickened, and here we are at the climax and conclusion of my dramatic list of excuses for neglecting my blog.  If you missed Part 1 or Part 2, take a moment to get up to speed.  If you have been hanging on the edge of your laptop, here it is. There is even a moral to the story.  I don’t disappoint.

Excuse #3: I got stuck in my car for 10,000 miles.  Really!  Summer kind of exhausted me. I was all purposeful and committed about it at the beginning and even dedicated the first run of the day exclusively to me—10 miles round trip to the gym. Yeah!  Starting at 8:00 a.m. each morning, it was clearly going to be all about me, until 9:00 a.m. when it became all about THEM and I had to drive 10 miles to ballet camp, 10 miles back.  Then, 10 miles to drop boy off with friends, and 10 miles to homestead.  Then, 10 miles to skateboard the skate park and 10 miles back.  Then, 10 miles to ballet camp and 10 miles back.  10 miles for errands.   10 miles for family “fun.”  I  literally 10-miled my way to 10,000 miles in 10 weeks and now my car which is less than 1 year old has this many miles on it.

I think I should look for a house that is 5 miles away from everything.

Excuse #2: My daughter, the ballet dancer danced in a cave on Maui…

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer; All Rights Reserved

and atop the Haleakala Crater…

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer; All Rights Reserved

and in a clearing in the forest…

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer; All Rights Reserved

and on a bluff in Cambria…

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer; All Rights Reserved

She wouldn’t stop asking me to take pictures of her dancing in precarious places.  Because of that I got in a fight with my hubby on the last night of our really awesome trip to Maui because we almost missed the sunset AND our special romantic date due to me taking pictures like this…

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer; All Rights Reserved

and this…

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer; All Rights Reserved

Then the kids had to stay with us while we watched the sunset which sort of spoiled the whole “romantic date” thing.

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer; All Rights Reserved

But just like the Christmas card on the mountain incident, you can’t stay mad for too long because it’s so friggin’ beautiful that it makes you want to simultaneously cry and quit your life in California so you can move to Maui, even though you know deep down that that is really unpractical and stupid.  I mean, how could you make a living in Maui and what would you do to fight the island fever?

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer; All Rights Reserved

But, he was still mad and is now holding a grudge and added a rule to his list of “Rules my Wife Must Follow if She Wants Presents” which is  “Rule # 45: Wife can’t take pictures of daughter doing ballet in precarious places when she is supposed to be on a date with husband at sunset”. I clearly have more rules, but that’s okay.

Excuse #1: But the number one reason I haven’t been around much lately is because I got buried in SPAM and I couldn’t get out!  (This is the life lesson).

The moral of my three part story is this… If you have a blog (and this applies metaphorically to life.  Just replace the word “blog” with “life” as you read further), don’t dare neglect said blog. Post regularly because if you don’t, you will be swallowed in SPAM of the worst kind.  It will creep into the darkest corners of your blog and take over one malicious, salacious comment at a time and keep you from finding the real thoughtful and heartfelt comments from valued and appreciated readers.  It will make you dislike your very own blog because the thought of having to deal with all that SPAM is overwhelming so you might as well give into the countless excuses that take you away from your blog so you don’t have to deal with it.

So, if I missed a comment you posted because I accidently deleted it in a SPAM deleting rage, please accept my most heartfelt apologies because it probably got absorbed into the ginormous web of SPAM that took me 10 days to clear from my system.

Ahhhhh!   It’s good to be back.

Photo Credit: Buckingham Fountain by Kim Bauer; Copyright 2011

Excuse #6: Chicago is “my kind of town.”  At least I am trying to convince myself and my kids of that because we might have to move there since my husband has been working for a firm in downtown Chicago for over a year now.

I say “somewhat” because I could have a panic attack that would keep me from actually getting in the car and leaving California even though I know, darned well that we should move to Chicago sooner rather than later and just be done with it already.   But, it will be so hard to leave our life in California…

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer; Copyright 2011

with all this…

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer; Copyright 2011

and this…

and come to Chicago, to this…

Photo Credit: Frog Fish; Kim Bauer, Copyright 2011

and this.

It was fun, but it just isn’t home.

Excuse #5: I was lost, then invisible and then lost again.  Now, I am finding myself  thanks to my unbelievable life coach named Tricia Brennan and her newest book, “The Map of the Soul”.

I am positive she thinks she lost me because of everything mentioned in this post and the last post. Now, she’s all mad and won’t return my emails.  I need to dig in deep so I can prove to her that I really do want to discover my life’s purpose, be self-expressed and do something extraordinarily meaningful like establishing world peace, or alleviating world hunger, or something like that.

First, I would have to break the news to my husband that finding my true purpose requires that he quit his job so he can accompany me on my planet saving mission.  He would probably resent that notion because he has his own planet saving mission.

So, he might divorce me over that matter leaving me to support two kids AND a mission and who really needs that kind of complication?  So, my planet saving hunger alleviating dreams will probably have to go on the back burner until the kids are 37 (see excuse #7 for more). I think this means my mid-life crisis will become a mid-life, late-life crisis and is officially “unresolved.”

Anyway, thirty seven is precisely the age I calculate the kids will finally leave the nest and move their bazillion dollar businesses that they started on my dime in my garage, into office space.  I think that will be 25 years from today.  How will I tell my life coach that I can change, but not for 25 years?  Does that mean I fail life or just life coaching?

Excuse #4: Finding myself required that I delve (deeply) into my past.  I had to go to “the source,”…the 5 yard line at U of I where I met my husband.

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer; Copyright 2011

See those guys out there on the field?   It was right about there.

I know…You need context!

I was an “Illinette.” (That’s code for pom-pon girl).  They are somewhat legendary–even more legendary than the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders or Laker Girls, (for sure).

I found this photo in the archives.  It’s not even from my year, but these were the uniforms we wore. Smokin’ hot!

My husband was a cheerleader (3rd from the left in the top row).  Smokin’ hot!

One sunny afternoon, on game day, our eyes met and it was love at first sight.

This is a true story.  I couldn’t make this stuff up.  He came from northern Illinois and me, from southern Illinois and we met in the middle at University of Illinois.  As polar opposites, meeting in the middle has been our mantra for almost three decades.  It doesn’t always work, but it’s quite metaphorical, don’t you think?

To compound the issue, we took our kids with us on this past delving adventure because watching your parents relive their past during homecoming weekend will certainly straighten you out, or at least it might explain a few things.  Strangely, the stands were packed with parents dragging their kids into their pasts.  Has mid-life crisis become a pandemic?

All things considered, what we did back then is kind of pathetic and my kid and her cousin would  NEVER engage in such silliness.  Because if they did, they might get featured in an ad for BTN or something.

Nope.  Not them.

They patiently patronized our digressions with forced smiles, rolled eyes, deep sighs and vows that they will never be so idiotic when they are in college and then brag about it to their kids 20 years later.

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer; Copyright 2011

I haven’t told them that homeschooling until they are 36 (see excuse #7) means they will most likely miss that whole Big 10 college experience, because college would be a waste of time and money since there are no jobs for college graduates.  So, it’s pointless and they should give up their dreams of following in my inspiring footsteps.

And here we are…almost through my list of excuses.  But, the fun must end so I can honor my commitment to shorter, more meaningful posts.

To be continued….

Excuse #9: Nature called (as in Breckenridge) and I really needed to focus my energy on our Christmas picture with it being June and all. So, we made a pilgrimage to Colorado but instead of driving we flew because our dog died which was really, REALLY sad.

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer; 2011 All Rights Reserved

I know this seems unrelated, but it is related because we used to only drive on family trips so we could take the dog with us.  Now, with him being gone, we can fly.

Flying again made me add another rule to my list of “Rules my Husband Must Follow if he Wants Any” because before our trip he packed 14 crates of “gear” (i.e. crap) and then took off for a business trip and said “I’ll meet you there babe, but make sure you bring my 14 crates of gear” which left me to single-handedly navigate the gear through the airport and we missed our plane and had to drive by a demonic mustang  with glowing eyes and I was traumatized.  I may not recover.

But, the trip was  fun even though I was really mad and so I had to add Rule #77 to my list that says, “Gear (i.e. crap) is not allowed on trips unless husband is physically present to manage said gear.” But, in spite of my rule and missing the flight we got our family Christmas picture and I had to smile through clenched teeth and pretend I was happy even though I was mad.  But, how can you stay mad when you are at the top of a mountain with this view?

So, I smiled and we got our Christmas picture and I got over it but I still have a rule.

Excuse #8: My son’s “Ollie thingies” needed me.

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer; 2011 All Rights Reserved

Ollies are something you do if you are obsessed with skateboarding and my son is definitely obsessed with skateboarding, so he does them along with 360 kick flips, pop shove-its, three stairs, and the most epic of all skateboarding tricks, the Nollie 720 laser double heel flip. Well he can’t do the 720 thing yet because he is still a “newb” which means his hasn’t turned pro and is still practicing a lot and hoping for sponsorship.

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer; 2011 All Rights Reserved

Being truthful, what he really needed was my car to take him to summer camp at Van’s and the newly improved and expanded Etnie’s Skate Park so he could practice dropping-in and ollying-out which is partially responsible for excuse number three on my list of excuses.

But, if you have a kid who is obsessed with something you know how much fun it is to watch them get better and better so I supported his ollies by driving him to skate parks and the hubby supported his drop ins by helping him build this epic skateboard ramp in our driveway.

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer; 2011 All Rights Reserved

So, now the neighbors are all mad at us because of the “eyesore” in our driveway, but our kid is happy and practicing constantly.  Really, what else matters?  It’s epic.

Excuse #7: My kids are going to college in five or six years the cost of an education is rising exponentially faster than the interest rate on our college fund, so college will cost a gazillion dollars by the time they go.  Pardon me, but I was working  on “plan B” which is homeschool until they are 36 since there will be no jobs for them anyway and they will have to become entrepreneurs who start bazillion dollar businesses out of our garage.

I take my kids’ education seriously, and when I realized that college is overpriced and on the verge of obsolescense according to some really famous people like Bill Gates and Bill Gross and me, I started planning.

Thanks to a plethora of free online educational materials from Salman Khan who I discovered 3 years ago before he got discovered by Bill Gates, became famous and was featured on the news, and free online high school and college courses from places like Free World U, Open Culture, Academic Earth and MIT (that’s the school, not the Romney), I now have my kids’ curriculum planned out until they are 36, which should keep them really busy and out of trouble.  Who needs Harvard when you have the University of Mom and a bunch of free resources?  So now my kids are set and I can sleep and night and get back to my blog.

So, there you have it.  I know you are looking for the rest of my excuses, but my new goal is to make my posts shorter than they have been in the past.  Therefore, this is the end of part one.  Make sure to check out the free online education resources I mentioned.  “Take home value” is my motto.

You’ll thank me later, like when your kids are ready to go to college and you realized you can’t afford the gazillion dollar tuition fees.

To be continued….

The underlying goal of my writing is to find people, places and things that are fabulous and share them through a very personal lens with my readers.

I look for “take home value”…concepts, ideas or products that you can put to use immediately.  Fabulous things and places are abundant.  Discovering legitimately fabulous and inspiring people is like finding a needle in a haystack.   I often resort to the history archives to find worthy role models.  One unblemished exception, and possibly one of the greatest influences in my life has been Sir John Marks Templeton who holds a special place in contemporary history as one of the most prolific investors and stock pickers in the history of investing.  I discovered him through a little book he wrote called “Worldwide Laws of Life:  200 Eternal Spiritual Principles”.  It ranks high on my list of life changing books.

I bought it on a whim over a decade ago and it sat, ignored, on my bookshelf until I began homeschooling and needed a tool to help teach my kids about leadership principles.  His ideas transcend and embody the positive aspects of most mainstream religions and promote the universal laws for living a life of purpose and contribution.  The lessons are simple, applicable, and inspiring.

Photo Credit: Jerusalem by Giufa

While a devout Presbyterian, he was open to all religious philosophies.  He once told an interviewer, “I grew up as a Presbyterian. Presbyterians thought the Methodists were wrong. Catholics thought all Protestants were wrong. The Jews thought the Christians were wrong. So, what I’m financing is humility. I want people to realize that you shouldn’t think you know it all.”

Sir John built his fortune by living within his means—a concept that many of us could benefit from embracing wholeheartedly.  He and his first wife, Judith Folk, saved 50% of everything they earned to use for investing and building their retirement assets.  For 25 years, they adhered to those principles and soon, he had created a fortune for himself and others.

In Wall Street circles he is legendary, even now.   His stats read like some of our most beloved sports heroes.  In fact, if you had invested $10,000 with his Templeton Growth Fund, Class A from inception and reinvested the dividends along the way, your investment would be worth over $2.2 million by the 1980’s.   Serious returns, by any standards.  He is beloved by investing rookies and experienced industry professionals alike, and there is still much to be learned by modeling his life strategies.

Photo Credit: www.templeton.org

What I cherish about his personal story is that he came from very humble beginnings.  He valued education, hard work and lived according to unyielding principles.  His standard for wealth creation was very simple.  Buy low and sell high.   Not original, of course, but he applied the principle to extremes.

He was equally disciplined in his spiritual life and became a significant philanthropist, forming The John Templeton Foundation.  He worked relentlessly to foster understanding in what he called “new spiritual information,” or the blending of science and religion. The motto of his foundation is “How little we know, how eager to learn”. From this statement, it is easy to see that he valued humility, optimism and open-mindedness as the most important tools for reaching greater understanding and achieving goals.   His foundation continues to support causes that further his goal of advancing human progress through breakthrough discoveries.

Photo Credit: Open Minded by JMC Photo

My sense after researching his life and reading his work, is that he garnered more pride and fulfillment from the spiritual side of his life than from his investing success, and that he viewed the wealth he created simply as a means to fulfill a larger mission as a philanthropist.  In his later years, a condition of granting personal interviews was often that the interviewer agree to share his ideas about spirituality as well as his ideas about investing. He believed that true wealth was much more than a reflection of a balance sheet.

Much has been written about him, so I won’t spend a lot of time here recapping those details.  But, I do want to share a letter he wrote in 2005.  It was an epic warning of the financial global crisis that we have entered and a testament to how “in tune” he was to macro events that affect the human condition on all levels, spiritual and financial.  I first read the letter in 2009, shortly after he died, and because of that letter, started reallocating my own investments.

His predictions seemed “over the top” at the time.  Two short years later, it provides a chillingly accurate view of our current state of affairs and I am thankful I followed his advice.

Very little press was given to this letter, probably because the mainstream media is stubbornly stuck in economic cheerleading and Polyanna reporting of the global economy.   I suppose for some, sweeping the truth under the rug is more palatable than facing reality.  Personally, I would rather confront cold hard facts and adjust accordingly, than be caught in the title wave of denial.

If you haven’t already read this letter, please enjoy and share it with others.  I highly recommend that you add any of his books to your permanent collection. You will not be disappointed.   And if you would like to learn more about Sir John Templeton, here is a link to a great interview by Tony Robbins.

John M. Templeton

Lyford Cay, Nassau, Bahamas

June 15, 2005

MEMORANDUM

Financial Chaos – probably in many nations in the next five years. The word chaos is chosen to express likelihood of reduced profit margin at the same time as acceleration in cost of living.

Increasingly often, people ask my opinion on what is likely to happen financially. I am now thinking that the dangers are more numerous and larger than ever before in my lifetime. Quite likely, in the early months of 2005, the peak of prosperity is behind us.

In the past century, protection could be obtained by keeping your net worth in cash or government bonds. Now, the surplus capacities are so great that most currencies and bonds are likely to continue losing their purchasing power.

Mortgages and other forms of debts are over tenfold greater now than ever before 1970, which can cause manifold increases in bankruptcy auctions.

Surplus capacity, which leads to intense competition, has already shown devastating effects on companies who operate airlines and is now beginning to show in companies in ocean shipping and other activities. Also, the present surpluses of cash and liquid assets have pushed yields on bonds and mortgages almost to zero when adjusted for higher cost of living. Clearly, major corrections are likely in the next few years.

Most of the methods of universities and other schools which require residence have become hopelessly obsolete. Probably over half of the universities in the world will disappear quickly over the next thirty years.

Obsolescence is likely to have a devastating effect in a wide variety of human activities, especially in those where advancement is hindered by labor unions or other bureaucracies or by government regulations.

Increasing freedom of competition is likely to cause most established institutions to disappear with the next fifty years, especially in nations where there are limits on free competition.

Accelerating competition is likely to cause profit margins to continue to decrease and even become negative in various industries. Over tenfold more persons hopelessly indebted leads to multiplying bankruptcies not only for them but for many businesses that extend credit without collateral. Voters are likely to enact rescue subsidies, which transfer the debts to governments, such as Fannie May and Freddie Mac.

Research and discoveries and efficiency are likely to continue to accelerate. Probably, as quickly as fifty years, as much as ninety percent of education will be done by electronics.

Now, with almost one hundred independent nations on earth and rapid advancements in communication, the top one percent of people are likely to progress more rapidly than the others. Such top one percent may consist of those who are multi-millionaires and also, those who are innovators and also, those with top intellectual abilities.Comparisons show that prosperity flows toward those nations having most freedom of competition.

Especially, electronic computers are likely to become helpful in all human activities including even persons who have not yet learned to read.

Hopefully, many of you can help us to find published journals and websites and electronic search engines to help us benefit from accelerating research and discoveries.

Not yet have I found any better method to prosper during the future financial chaos, which is likely to last many years, than to keep your net worth in shares of those corporations that have proven to have the widest profit margins and the most rapidly increasing profits. Earning power is likely to continue to be valuable, especially if diversified among many nations.

…end…

Sir John wanted this memo widely published, but unfortunately, it sat in a file drawer until after his death.  His predictions, in my mind, are uncanny.  Each point, from the impending obsolescence of institutional learning, to the problem of excess capacity in our markets resulting from the ramp up of production during times of unlimited consumer credit and spending, to his prediction that capitalism will ultimately prevail, is playing out in some form right now on a global basis.

As the world becomes more chaotic and unpredictable, we will need more Sir John’s on the planet to provide vision and guidance.  Introduce a young person to one of his books. My children were 9 and 10 when I began introducing them to his books.  Apply some of his principles in your own life.  Share the opportunities provided by his foundation with someone you know who is working to promote progress through spirituality and science.

As our society becomes increasingly morally and financially bankrupt, true heroes are difficult to find.  Have you found one?  Please spread the word, starting here.

In her typically contrarian style, she shared her deep dislike of vacations.  Her list was convincing:

1. If you need a vacation, it is a sign that you don’t like your life.
2. Self-discipline is the key to success in life and vacations interrupt the routine you create to maintain self-discipline.
3. Traveling is a waste of time. If you need to broaden your horizons, it would be more effective to make a regular change in your routine.

Her insights made me think, and I almost bought it “hook, line and sinker.”

And then I came to my senses.  I too, crave schedule, routine, predictability and know that learning self-discipline through dance and music gave me a decided edge in life.  Being a creative person, and a serial entrepreneur means I live in a constant state of uncertainty.   My mother, the Patron Saint of routine, made sure I had a schedule when I was growing up, and it probably saved me.

It wasn’t until I left the nest that I discovered how difficult it is to maintain one’s own routine, let alone maintain a routine for a whole family.  So, Mom, I don’t know how you did it, but I thank you for it. Penelope, I commend you for sticking to your routine so you can maintain self-discipline even while on vacation, although I could tell you were having some fun and think you should just fess up.

I have learned through the years that we need many things to make us complete, and while our tendency may lean intensely towards the certainty of self-discipline and routine, we also need a little uncertainty to spice things up.  Whether we want it or not, we need the polarity to flourish.  Only by finding our tipping point can we find our balancing point. Each time we push our tipping point, we find a new balance point.   In the process we grow.   Continual growth, in my opinion is the key to happiness and success.

Polarity applies no matter what side of the pole you favor—certainty or uncertainty.  Those daredevils you know who thrive on adventure, occasionally crave some routine.  Perhaps they should spend a little time in the Armed Forces to balance themselves out.

I read Penelope’s post immediately after descending a 12,000 foot mountain on the ATV trip from hell.  I am not the super adventurous type so I married one. See…this is a perfect (but insane) example of how when we are not willing to create that polarity ourselves, we will marry our opposite just to get it. Opposites attract…that whole thing.

My husband is the crazy adventuring type who continually pushes me outside my comfort zone to try new things.   He’s the one who, when we were first dating, took me to the top of Mount Killington in Vermont for my first ski run and said “See you at the bottom.” Crying like a baby, I fought the man-sized moguls for 4 hours.  Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive” was being piped down from the heavens.  When I got to the bottom, the first thing I did was punch him, but deep down inside, I was really proud of myself.  I did survive.

It was the same coming down the mountain on an ATV with my son holding on the back for dear life.  To my son’s dismay, I was cussing like a truck driver, (mostly at my husband) but when it was all over, and the ATV was horizontal again, I felt like I accomplished something.  I was ready for more.

And, this is why I love vacations!  We open up to new experiences and ideas.  We see a different point of view, take it all in, and live in the moment.  We get lost in strange places and have to rely on rarely used internal resources and hutzpah to find our way back.  And sometimes, if we are lucky, we find that polarity that we so desperately need to live life to the fullest.

Article first published as Why, Unlike Penelope, I Love Vacations! on Technorati.

I have to admit that I have never been a fan of Rosanne Barr and I don’t much like reality shows with the exception of The Real Housewives, American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, Cake Boss, Myth Busters, Chopped, Iron Chef, and Man vs. Food…but I caught a pre-debut interview with Rosanne on Fox News about her new reality show, “Rosanne’s Nuts,” and I am somewhat intrigued.

If you haven’t heard, Rosanne is re-entering showbiz on her own terms and as far away from LA as possible.  We’ll see her in her own territory; albeit a crunchier, greener, nuttier territory.  In order to escape the pressures of Hollywood, Rosanne purchased a 43 acre macadamia nut farm in Hawaii with her musician boyfriend, Johnny Argent.

I say this with all seriousness—I think she may have found herself. She looked absolutely stunning with her slightly graying, hippy hair and cool John Lennon-esque glasses.  She has lost some weight and she looks healthy and glowing.  As a woman going through my own identity crisis, I have a whole new respect for her.

Maybe all her crazy behavior through the years has simply been symptomatic of her numerous attempts to find her true purpose in life. Isn’t that what we are all looking for?  Shouldn’t we be forgiven for at least some of our misguided behavior while trying to find ourselves?   And, shouldn’t we celebrate when we finally do find our way?

The bottom line is that whether you love her or hate her, through the years, Rosanne has always taken a stand for who she is.  She doesn’t apologize.  She just “IS” who she is.  And it looks like the newly evolved Rosanne is still a force to be reckoned with.

She’s different this time, for sure.   She seems more grounded, more peaceful (if that is possible), still “funny first,” but wiser—a real earth mother.  Maybe we could all benefit from a few more nuts in our lives.

I haven’t seen the show.  Maybe, I’ll see it tonight. Hank Stuever of the Washington Post wasn’t so kind in his recent review.  In his mind, this is just another desperate attempt by an aging celebrity trying to stay relevant.  Perhaps he is correct.

Then again, Mary McNamara of the LA Times takes a more lenient and optimistic view, touting the humor and rawness of the show and commending Rosanne’s willingness to own up to “her own stuff.”

What I saw on FOX was a woman aging gracefully (maybe it was the vegetarian diet), and that gave me hope that whether we go through an extreme rough patch or even a mid-crisis, we can find ourselves and emerge stronger, wiser and more beautiful than ever.

I kindly reserve my right to change my opinion when I see the show, but for now, I am holding high expectations for the new Rosanne.

Article first published as Rosanne’s Nuts! on Technorati.

I realized I had become invisible!

One night at sunset, Gina and I hit the gorgeous California coastline for a little exercise and fresh air.  She ran to the North.  She is a runner. I walked to the south.   I am a walker.  When we had both reached our halfway point, we turned around and were headed straight towards each other.

What happened next was horrifying.  As we approached, I said “Hey”.   She looked right through me and kept on running.  She didn’t even see me.

It was if I was invisible!

There have been times in my life, when I wished I was invisible, but this wasn’t one of them.  I could have brushed it off and explained it away.  She was deep in thought, concentrating on keeping her pace.  Whatever–no big deal, right?

But it was a big deal.  It bothered me for weeks until I realized that the whole experience was a metaphor for an identity crisis—mine!

Gina and I met in our late teens.   We had both just “broken the ties from our adolescence”.  We embraced our newly discovered independence as we sped down the highway in her red mustang convertible.  It was a real Thelma and Louise moment.  We were inspired, brave, and full of purpose and potential…

Our auras were vibrant and strong.  To this day, when I see Gina, I see her essence before I see her physical being.  She is like Athena, goddess of war and wisdom.  Her aura is so bright, that I am certain I could see it with my peripheral vision.

And so it has been through the course of our friendship.  We hold the vision of our highest selves for each other.  Gina knows my aura as well as I know hers, but this time, she didn’t see it.

Had it grown that dim?

The looming question was “why?” Who had I become?  How had I let this happen?

Time is a test for all of us.   We face different challenges during different decades.  Generally speaking, our 20’s are for discovering our true identity and breaking away from the parental influences.  The 30’s are about building the career, the family, the empire.  In the forties, after having focused so much of ourselves on careers, children, husbands and family, we might fall victim to this phenomenon.

Reduced to footprints in the sand–we become invisible.

Photo Credit: Footprints in the sand by Neverxlight

Identity crisis is not just for men.   In some ways, I think women may be even more affected.   It’s just that not too many of us try to find ourselves again through fast cars and men half our age, so our struggles don’t make the headlines.

Now, I am grateful for that brief but unacknowledged passing on the boardwalk.

In the process of dealing with the trauma, I was graced with a distant memory.  15 years ago, a favorite employee gave me a simple, but powerful gift.  It was a beautiful necklace with a charm that said one word, “inspire”.  He said I had been one of the biggest inspirations in his life and he wanted me to remember that daily.  I should have never stopped wearing that necklace.

Thankfully, I realized that the one thing I owe myself is to step back into my fading foot prints and reclaim the newer, better me.

I know I am not alone.  After recent conversations with many women friends, I am now aware that this is fairly common.  The solution lies in acknowledgement and personal accountability.

That defining moment on the boardwalk in Cambria was a tipping point. I came to the brutal realization that I (and I alone) had let myself go, (literally) from inspiring to invisible. And it is my duty now to morph the prior inspiring self, with the new, wiser, more influential person I am becoming.

But, invisible can be comfortable.  Many of us get there and decide to stay for decades.  Becoming visible again is no easy feat.  In my case, even though my essence is essentially the same, circumstances of my life are not.

Therein lays the challenge.   When we get caught up in the drudgery of everyday responsibilities, it is easy to lose touch with who we are.  If you are lucky, you’ll have an experience like mine that will jolt you back to reality.

If you are so fortunate, embrace it.   Do what-ever you can to open your mind to new possibilities so you can give your past self an introduction to your future self. Take a class, enlist professional help, or simply allow yourself to do something that makes you feel alive.  Journal.   Soul search.   Travel.  Cleanse.  Learn from the masters of metamorphosis… goddesses like Cher, Madonna, Bette, and Lady Gaga.  They have always managed to keep it new, (and you probably won’t even need a meat dress to be successful).

Just get creative and be brave.  Don’t let yourself become invisible!

P.S.  This post is dedicated to all of the amazing women I know.  To me, you are beacons of light visible through the darkest night.

Photo Credit: Lighthouse by Samity

And, so it goes with “hope”.

Hope is one of those really strange words. It is defined as (noun) the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. To engage in hope (verb), is to embrace the emotions that the desired event will actually happen.

I am sorry, but this word has always seemed like a “thin disguise” to me.  Hope is clearly for wimps without a plan or the wherewithal to follow through. Why embrace an emotion that has you depend entirely on circumstances that are completely out of your control?

Politicians love the word “hope”.  They build entire campaigns around hope and I just want to scream into the TV… “Hope is not a strategy, dude.  Do something about it.  Show some balls.  Get a plan.” Consequently, I am numb to hope.

Or so I thought (and here comes the valuable life lesson to which I alluded):

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer--Austin and Georgie, All Rights Reserved.

Three years ago, almost to the day, we adopted this sweet little fluff ball of a dog named Georgie.  Georgie was a product of pure manifestation.  You know that concept, right?  When you are focused enough on creating something, and open your mind to all possibilities, and align your thoughts and intentions with that goal, you absolutely have the power to manifest.

That’s the kind of manifestation I am talking about. In fact, if I am really honest about it, Georgie was the by-product of hope.  I just didn’t realize it.

Nine year old girls have a tendency to get really interested in having a pet.  Maybe it is the first, pre-pubescent hint of the nurturing instinct taking hold.  Anyway, my daughter got her head wrapped around the idea of getting dog.  It is a completely normal urge, but almost impossible in my family because my husband is not particularly keen on dogs.   I had two dogs in the past that he had to deal with, and one in particular was the dog from hades.  Let’s just say, his dog memories aren’t warm and fuzzy.

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer; All Rights Reserved.

But my daughter is persistent, just like her father.  He told her, point blank:

• No puppies
• It can’t chew on things (ever)
• It can’t pee and poop in the house (ever)

He thought she would give up under these impossible conditions.  Instead, she and I manifested Georgie, the toothless wonder.  We spent days (maybe even weeks) on www.petfinder.com searching all of California for the right dog.  One day, Georgie caught my eye.  He looked too good to be true and he was in a pound three miles from our house.  It was clearly a sign from God.

My husband wasn’t ready, but I visited the pound late one Thursday night just to check him out.  It was love at first sight.  I spoke with the vet and in her most concerned and cautious voice, she told me, “Georgie is an older dog.  He is in good health with the exception of one very serious condition…”

I held my breath during this dramatic pause.  The silence was overwhelming as I waited for the door to close on my daughter’s doggie dreams.

“What? What is it?  What is his terrible plight that keeps him from being unlovable and unadoptable?” I was screaming by now.

“Well, he has no teeth!” I am not sure what she was thinking when I burst out laughing and gave her a man hug that practically broke her ribs.

“We are looking for a dog with no teeth.”

It was final, he was our dog.

But, I couldn’t take him home that night because my husband hadn’t said, “yes.”  I tried to put Georgie on hold.  They said no.  I tried to bribe the lady at the counter with cold hard cash.

She gave me the evil eye.

That weekend, I told my husband about the toothless wonder.  He panicked.  He realized he hadn’t set the bar high enough, so he added on a few more impossible criteria.  “He can’t bark, EVER” and he can’t shed.”

I gave him the evil eye.

The following Tuesday, I went back to the pound to see Georgie again and he was gone.  I panicked.  My heart pounded.  I ran to the front desk pushing my way through the line.  “Where’s Georgie?”  What happened to that cute little dog with no teeth and the tongue that hangs out?”

Georgie was scheduled for the chamber, and that weekend, a San Diego rescue operation that regularly sweeps the pounds had found him and saved him.

I called them and said, “Put Georgie on hold for me indefinitely.  He’s our dog, but I just have to convince my husband.” I tried to bribe them.   They said,  ”We can’t do that ma’am, but we will call you if someone is interested and give you the first chance to make your move.”

Three months later, my daughter and I convinced my husband to “just go visit him and meet him.”  We made a pilgrimage to San Diego.  Georgie was with a wonderful foster family and very happy.

That little bugger is pretty smart.  He knew his biggest adversary was my husband.   When we sat down in the living room, the first thing he did was walk up to my husband, put his paws up on his knees and give him his best puppy dog look. That was all it took.  Georgie was ours.

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer; Bringing Home Georgie, All Rights Reserved.

But, for added drama, and just to prove that he was in charge, my husband made us all sign a contract that said:

Georgie will never chew on things, bark, poop and/or pee in the house.  He will not shed.  If he does, he is subject to immediate removal.

We were willing to take our chances.  The deal was done.

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer--Georgie, All Rights Reserved.

The rest is history.  Georgie has been an amazing member of our family, although he does occasionally poop and pee in the house, and he really likes barking at bumblebees and other dogs.  And he sheds.

But the story took a tragic turn in the last few months.

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer--Georgie got Sick; All rights reserved.

Georgie got very sick.  He was losing interest in food and started wasting away in front of our eyes.  We took him to the vet thinking he had a parasite and found out that he has chronic renal failure.  His little system is slowly but surely becoming more toxic and shutting down.  Two vets, point blank, told us to put him down.  Stick the knife in and just cut away at my heart.

And this is where the life lesson on hope really took hold for me.

Hope has you do silly things like put your dog on three days of IV fluids hoping for miracles, and when he responds to that, taking him home to try miracle herbs and hot and cold therapy for his kidneys, just to have him stick around a little longer.

I know the “humane thing” to do is to put him out of his misery.  Since he went into intensive care, I have been a hot mess.  The waves of grief sometimes just take over and I don’t know how the tears can just keep coming.

There have been four times over the last two days when I have gotten myself all worked up into a tizzy because I “knew” it was “time to end his suffering”.   Then, in the middle of my tear drenched speech to the family about how we need to let him go, he pulls off some kind of miraculous maneuver, like getting up and prancing across the room, or suddenly devouring food like a maniac, or looking at me with those puppy dog eyes.

I swear he is onto me.  So, we are on the familiar roller coaster ride of what it takes to deal with beloved going through a health crisis.

I know, intellectually that Georgie’s time is near.  It might be hours, days, weeks or months, but eventually, we will have to make that tough choice to end his suffering.  What is guiding me now is hope. Perhaps my daughter is learning her own life lessons about hope and doesn’t even know it.

Photo Credit: Kim Bauer--Georgie and Austin, All Rights Reserved

For me, the lesson is now engrained.  Hope is what you have when all else fails.  It makes you open your mind up beyond the intellectual or logical and take chances that might lead to miracles.  And miracles, even small ones, are what give life its real meaning.

Photo Credit: Wind Blown by Photography League

I am blessed with friends who are strong, courageous, inspiring, intelligent, and wise women. On a recent “girls getaway” with my friend Tricia, a renowned author and intuitive counselor, we engaged in a compelling conversation about “that one thing.”
Let me explain…

It seems we all have one thing that is so coveted that we feel we might cease to exist without it.  Perhaps we are impervious to the white knuckle grasp we have on this particular attribute or aspect of our identity.   But, it is one thing that remains consistent throughout our life.  We subconsciously vow to protect it without compromise.

Examples may be helpful.

My friend Gina comes to mind.  Her “one thing” is her commitment to fitness. I have known her 27 years and her weight has fluctuated a total of 5 pounds during that time, including three pregnancies.  She is in better shape now than she was in her 20’s.   Outside observers might consider her obsessed, but that isn’t the case.  Unless she exerts her physical body daily, she feels disconnected and off-kilter.   She calls it “staying in her body”.  It’s just that simple.  As a result, her life incorporates fitness without compromise.

My friend Tricia is committed to her spirituality—it’s her one thing. Her life is devoted to her own personal growth.  Through her books, workshops and personal coaching, she has helped thousands of people gain clarity in their life. There is no thing and no one that would tempt her to give up this calling.  Her commitment is unwavering.

For my friend Alicia, her one thing is her involvement with the church. She went into crisis recently when that relationship was suddenly challenged.  An unexpected threat to her one thing brought out the Mama Bear and my gentle natured friend confidently took a stand against the “evil saboteurs.”  Situation resolved.

Photo Credit: Bear by Iskra 85

That’s the thing about our one thing. When threatened, we’ll go to extreme protective measures because we know the very essence of our identity is at stake.  Our one thing has us find courage, strength to overcome threats and challenges.  In the process, we grow.

Photo Credit: No Compromise by SRDrummer boy

Whether we realize it or not, we organize our life around our one thing. At the same time, it can be very elusive.  When Tricia asked me about my one thing, I was stumped.  I said “my freedom?” and she laughed.  “You are not free,” she said.  “Your life is filled with the burden of compromise.”  It wasn’t exactly the answer I was expecting but with much love and great finesse, she lead me to the answer—my creativity. Looking back even into the dark corners of my childhood, I realized that no matter how my life has evolved, no matter what challenges I faced, I have found ways to express my creativity.  This blog is a perfect example–it is an outlet for creativity.

Photo Credit: Creativity by Blue Eco freak

Why should you care about your one thing? When you understand the essence of you, the roots of your choices and the impact on your relationships become clear.  With clarity, you are one step closer to creating a life filled with intention, joy, freedom, love and purpose.  And that, my wise and wonderful readers, is a beautiful thing.

Photo Credit: This is Freedom by Dreaming Photographer

What’s your one thing?